Fearful Creatures
Growing up in a lumber state, you hear about the old fearsome creatures of the forests that lumberjacks would commonly encounter, but have you ever stopped to wonder where they went? As logging spread throughout the dense and grand forests of Wisconsin, lumberjacks came face to face with these creatures, and those reports have lived on in folklore. Now that the virgin forests have been reaped, and times have changed, it is your friendly everyday homeowner who is on the front lines of the conflict between humans and wildlife in the wild urban interface- a place of transition between wilderness and land developed by human activity.
These creatures that once struck fear in lumberjacks are now trying to find their way as neighborhoods continue to develop and spread into whatever habitat they have left. How do we grow awareness for these creatures? By using nearly scientific research, almost proper reporting, and never doctored evidence to prove their existence.
To prove the existence of these now fearful creatures, I set out to the WUI’s of Wisconsin to find proof and document the existence of these creature of the wild-urban interface.
Agropelter
An irritable quadruped, highly resentful of suburbia’s sprawl into his home woods. Common and well known from coast to coast, but limited to the northern forests. The species’s shaggy appearance is attributed in part to its diet of egg shells, coffee grounds, and banana peels.
As with many of these elusive and nimble creatures, a detailed description is lacking. Yet, blurry photos from trail cams suggest that the agropelter has a sturdy body with an ape-like appearance. His most spectacular attribute is a pair of long, muscular arms. With the expansion of neighborhoods into the forest and the removal of dead trees for liability reasons, the agropelter is in search of a new home.
The agropelter often doesn’t target just one home, he can sometimes ransack the garbage cans of an entire neighborhood in one night. It is thought that the agropelter can use his long arms to empty the entire contents of a garbage can, sometimes even moving the garbage can itself. It is still up for debate whether the agropelter is from a search for food, a place to sleep, or pure spite. HOA’s have found the best defense for an agropelter’s attack are bear-proof lids.
Axe-handle Hound
Once the bane of supply and depot camps of Northern logging operations, the axe handle hound has a head shaped like a peavey axe. The slender body is nearly axe handled shape, and he has short stump legs. Looks a good deal like a dachshund. Despite the theoretical abundance of handles accessible to this scrappy pup in a neighborhood, the reports of handle hounds seem to have been decreasing in exact correlation with the increased use of fiberglass and other plastic handles.
Treesqueek
Some folks will claim that the mating call of a Treesqueak is just a tree branch scraping on the house. But we know better. The sound of this untrustworthy animal is quite common in the North Woods. The Treesqeak is built something like a weasel, with the same dangerously cute disposition. As tree branches bridge the forest canopy to your home, the Treesqueak will quickly find an entrance into the attic. He is sometimes aggressive, particularly during thunderstorms and windy nights. He has a variety of calls; squeaks, scrapes, and whines. On particularly active nights you may hear thuds, scampering, and further damage being done to the home.
With a face that only a mother could love, the hodag has a disproportionately sized head with a pair of bulging eyes and large lateral horns. This sickly green creature was once captured in Rhinlander, Wisconsin. It is thought that hodags mostly feed off of porcupines and white bulldogs, but only on Sundays. However, evidence suggest that in order for this fearful creature to survive, it must have diversified its prey. Just look at the number of dogs that go missing on Sundays.
This curious bird seems to defy evolution. In fact, one time Charles Darwin was caught cursing the existenace of the peculiar bird for challenging his brilliant ideas. This bird is the opposite of most birds, it builds it’s nests upside down and attempts to lay in them too, but its eggs are just as fragile as any other bird! The goofus bird mostly flies backwards, which means it can’t see those fancy bird deterents on your windows!
Hodag
Goofus Bird
The Rumtisfusel
This slow and unsuspecting beast has a beautiful brown coat, much like a mink. It is known to catch its prey by waiting by the roadside to lure in its victims. This fearful creature is thought to be near extinction due to the introduction of the Stenthulin. Stenthulin are highly invasive, mobile creatures. Their hairless epidermis comes in shades of white, gray and brown and crinkles when handled. This terrible creature can be seen caught in drafts of wind, draped in roadside ditches, and perched in neighborhood trees. The endangered Rumtisfusel seems outnumbered and overwhelmed by these new creatures, but you can help. The Stenthulin are nocturnal and can be approached, captured, and disposed of in the safety of daylight.
The Rumtisfusel
This slow and unsuspecting beast has a beautiful brown coat, much like a mink. It is known to catch its prey by waiting by the roadside to lure in its victims. This fearful creature is thought to be near extinction due to the introduction of the Stenthulin. Stenthulin are highly invasive, mobile creatures. Their hairless epidermis comes in shades of white, gray and brown and crinkles when handled. This terrible creature can be seen caught in drafts of wind, draped in roadside ditches, and perched in neighborhood trees. The endangered Rumtisfusel seems outnumbered and overwhelmed by these new creatures, but you can help. The Stenthulin are nocturnal and can be approached, captured, and disposed of in the safety of daylight.